last updated september 1st 2005

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FILIPINO IF:

1. You want to be a dancer, a singer, or an actor, even though you have a day job as a nurse, a security guard, or an accountant.
2. A member of your family back home is a politician or a movie star.
3. You're not afraid of black people.
4. You don't care if you are superior to all other Asians or not, because being Filipino is just cool in itself.

ARE YOU REALLY FILIPINO?  114 WAYS TO MAKE SURE: 

*Confused about your ethnic identity? Want to know just how Filipino you are? Do this less-than-scientific-quiz to rate your Filipino-ness. You might be surprised at the results. 

*Scoring: Give yourself 3 points if you can relate to the following characteristics yourself, 2 points if it relates to an immediate family member (mom and dad), and 1 point if you know someone who has the characteristics.

Before you take this test, get out a piece of paper to keep track of your score. Good luck.

MANNERISMS AND PERSONALITY TRAITS:
1. You point with your lips.
2. You eat using your hands- and have it down to a technique.
3. Your other piece of luggage is a balik-bayan box. (red/blue/ white stripped plastic bag)
4. You nod your head upwards to greet someone.
5. You put your foot up on your chair and rest your elbow on your knees while eating.
6. You use a rock to scrub yourself in the bath or shower.
7. You have to kiss your relatives on the cheek as soon as you enter the room.
8. You're standing next to the eight big boxes at the airport.
9. You collect items from hotels or restaurants "for souvenir's sake."
10. Your house has a distinctive aroma.
11. You smile for no reason.
12. You flirt by having a foolish grin on your face while raising your eyebrows repearedly.
13. You go to a department store and try to bargain the prices.
14. You use an umbrella for shade on hot summer days.
15. You scratch your head when you don't know the ansswer.
16.You never eat the last morsel of food on the table.
17. You go bowling.
18. You play pusoy and mah jong.
19. You find dried-up morsels of rice stuck to your shirt.
20. You prefer to sit in the shade instead of bake in the sun.
21. You add an unwarranted "H" to your name, i.e., Jhun, Bhoy, Rhon.
22. You put your hand together in front of you as if to make a path and say "Excuse, Excuse" when you pass in between people or in front of the TV.
23. Your middle name is your mom's maiden name.
24. You like everything that's imported or state-side.
25. You check labels on clothes to see where it was made.
26. You hang your clothesout to dry before putting them in the dryer to fluff them up.
27. You are perfectly comfortable in a squatting position with your elbows resting on your knees.
28. You consistently arrive 30 minutes late for all events.
29. You always offer food to all your visitors.

VOCABULARY:
30. You say "comfort roon" instead of "bathroon."
31. You say "for take-out" instead of "to go."
32. You "open" or "close" the lights.
33. You ask for "Colgate" instead of "toothpaste."
34. You ask for a "pentel pen" or a "ball pen" instead of just a pen.
35. You refer to the refrigerator as the "ref" or "pridyider."
36. You say "kodakan" instead of "take a picture."
37. You order "McDonald's" instead of a hamburger (pronounced Ham-boor-jer).
38. You say "ha?" instead of "what?"
39. You say "hoy" to get someone's attention.
40. You answer when someone yells "hoy!"
41. You turn around when someone says "Psst."
42. You say "cutex" instead of "nail polish."
43. You say "for awhile" instead of "please hold on" on the telephone.
44. You say "he" when you mean "she" and vice versa.
45. You say "Ai-ya" instead of "ouch."
46. Your sneeze sounds like "Ahhh-Chee" instead of "Ahhh-Choo."
47. You prefer to make acronyms for phrases such as "OA" for over-acting, "DOM" for dirty old man, and "TNT" for, well, you know.
48. You say "Air Con" instead of "A/C" or "air conditioner."
49. You pronounce the following words: "Hoppop-TA-mus," "con-FOR-table." "bro-co-lli," and "Montgo-merry-Ward."
50. You say "brown out" instead of "black out."
51. You say "Oy" instead of "Oops."
52. You sta rt with the word "Actually" when you're trying to explain something.
53. You have "weapons of Moroland" shield hanging in your living room wall.
54. You use walis tambo and a walis tingting as opposed to a conventional broom.
55. You own a karaoke system.
56. You own a piano no one ever plays.
57. You have a portrait of the Last Supper hanging on your dining wall.
58. You have 2 to 3 pairs of tsinelas at your doorstep.
59. You have a tabo in the bathroom.
60. Your house is cluttered with burloloys.
61. You have a rose garden.
62. You display a big laughing Buddha for good luck.
63. You have a shrine to the Santo Nino in your living roon.
64. You own a "Barrel Man" (sohwing!)
65. You have a parol during the holidays.
66. You cover your living room furniture with sheets.
67. Your lamp shades still have the plastic covers on them.
68. You have plastic runners to cover the plastic covers on them.
69. You refer to your VCR as "Beytamax."
70. You own a dice dispenser.
71. You own a turbo broiler.
72. You own a lamp with oil that frips down to the strings.
73. You have a giant wooden spoon and fork hanging in the dining room.
74. You own capiz shell chandeliers, lamps, or placemats.
75. You have wooden tinikling dancers on your wall.

AUTOMOBILES:
76. You own a Mercedes Benz and call it "Chedeng."
77. You have a fake-banana display attached to your car window.
78. You own a huge van conversion.
79. Your car chirps like a bird or plays a tune while it's in reverse.
80. You have a rosary on your car's rear view mirror.
81. Your car horn can make three or more different sounds.
82. You have those air fresheners in a bottle. FAMILY
83. You have aunts and uncles named "Baby," "Girlie," or "Boy."
84. You were raised believing that every Filipino is an aunt, uncle, or cousin.
85. Your dad or your uncle was in the Navy.
86. Your mom or sister is a nurse.
87. You get smelling kisses from your grandma.
88. Your parents call each other "Mommy" and "Daddy."

FOOD:
89. You have hotdogs or Spam in your spaghetti, pasta, or rice.
90. You consider dilis the Filipino equivalent to french fries.
91. You think eating chocolate rice pudding and dried fish is a freat morning meal.
92. You order things like tapsilo, longsilog, tocilog.
93. You instinctively grab a toothpick after a meal.
94. You order a "soft drink" instead of soda.
95. You dip bread in your morning coffee.
96. You refer to seasonings and all other forms of monosodium glutamate as Ajinamoto.
97. Your cupboards are full of Spam and Vienna Sausages.
98. You appreciate a fresh pot of rice.
99. You bring your lunch to work everyday.
100. Your lunch is usually something over rice.
101. Goldilocks means more to you than just a character in a fairy tale. (hint hint, the bakery)
102. You wash and re-use plastic utensils and styrofoam cups.
103. You eat purple taro-root flavored ice cream.
104. You know that "chocolate meat" isn't really made with chocolate.
105. You think half-hatched duck eggs are a delicacy.
106. You have an ice-shaver for making halo-halo.
107. Your tablecloths have tall-tell toyo circles on them.
108. Your gotta have a bottle of jufran handy.
109. You use your fingers to measure the water when cooking rice.
110. Your neighbors complain about the smell of tuyo on Sunday mornings.
111. You fry Spam and hot dogs and eat them with rice.
112. You eat rice for breakfast.
113. You have frozen lumpia in the freezer.
114. You put your arm at the other person's shoulder if he or she is a close friend of yours.

SCORING

256-342: Welcome to America. Judging from your high score, you are an obvious transport from the Philippines. There is no doubt what your ethnic identity is. You are Filipino through and through.

170-255: Congratulations, you have retained most of the Filipino traits and tendencies your family has instilled in you.

Anything lower: You should get to know your Filipino background better.

MORE FILIPINO STUFF:

MANNERISMS AND PERSONALITY TRAITS:
*You greet your relatives by putting your forehead to the back of their hand (mano greeting).
*When a relative buys or does something, you have to buy a bigger one or out do that relative.
*You hand out at Serramonte.
*You have relatives in either Vallejo, Daly City, San Francisco, Milpitas, or anywhere in Silicon Valley.
*You rent Filipino videos.
*You shop at Pacific Super Markets or at Ranch 99.
*You watch Channel 26 at 6:00 p.m.
*Your parents make facial distortions to alert you that you're in trouble.
*Your parents raised their hand to you as if they would hit you but didn't (commonly combined with a short grunting sound).
*An adult would pull your ear or pinch you.
*Someone pitiks you(Finger flicking).
*You ask your relatives to bring you back underwear from the Philippines.
*You own more than 10 pairs of shoes.
*Your express courier service is LBC.

VOCABULARY:
*When you can't remember the name of an item, you say "quan" and expect the other person to know what you mean.
*The word "bold" has a different meaning than font style.

FOOD:
*You eat Skyflakes instead of Saltines.
*You use a spoon instead of a fork.
*You use a spoon instead of a knife.
*You ask for the fish head, chicken neck or ox tail.
*You start chewing on the bones and gnaw on the tendons.

AUTOMOBILES:
*You have lights around your back license plate frame.
*You hate personalized plates with Tagalong words or names, i.e., "OK BAH" or "POGI" or "SINKIT."
*You have a crocheted piece of cloth on any of your car seats or back dash.

FILIPINO VOCABULARY:

Use TENACIOUS in a sentence:  "I went to the store to buy a pair of TENACIOUS."

Use DEDUCT, DEFENSE, DEFEAT, and DETAIL in a sentence:  "DEDUCT jumped over DEFENSE, first DEFEAT, and then DETAIL."

Use DEPOSIT in a sentence:  "I hear dripping in the sink, I think DEPOSIT is leaking."

Use PERSUADING in a sentence:  "Jack & Jill got married on June 1, 1997. So on June 1, 1998, they are going to celebrate their PERSUADING anniversary."

Use DEVASTATION in a sentence:  "Every morning I wait for the bus at DEVASTATION."

Use IRAQ, IRAN, and EGYPT in a sentence:  "IRAQ is bigger than a stone. IRAN faster than my friend. EGYPT is smaller than a truck."

Use PAUL in a sentence:  "Paul, be carePAUL, before you PAUL in the PAUL."

Use CUISINE in a sentence:  "I hope you studied last night because our teacher might give a CUISINE math."

Use SCHOOLING in a sentence:  "Ring, Ring... Hello? Who SCHOOLING?"

Use EMPIRE in a sentence:  "Ready, EM-, PIRE!"

Use DEFICIT in a sentence:  "When I go to the pool, I check out how DEFICIT."

Use HOSTESS in a sentence:  "Hello? Hello? HOSTESS?"

Use CURTAIN and KITCHEN in one sentence:  "Aray! Huwag mo akong CURTAIN. Masa-KITCHEN."

Use CONCLUSION and OPINION in one sentence: (Pointing to a door) "CONCLUSION, hindi OPINION."

Use PAMPERS and PAPERS in one sentence:  "At the gasoline station, I asked the attendant, "Do I PAMPERS or do I PAPERS?"

Use PENIS in a sentence:  "Before you go out, penis your homework."

Use DIFFERENCE and DIFFERENCES in one sentence:  "If the royal family has a baby boy, he is called DIFFERENCE; if they have a baby girl, she is called DIFFERENCES."

Use IRAQ, IRAN and EGYPT in one sentence:  "IRAQ is bigger than a stone; IRAN is faster than a walk; and EGYPT is smaller than a truck."

Use ASSOCIATE in a sentence:  "I looked in the toilet and, ASSOCIATE."

Use MASTURBATION in a sentence:  "Hoy! Finish your food, there’s MASTURBATION in the third world."

FATHER AND MOTHER, I:

In the Philippines, most kids in private schools are forced to speak English at all times. A kid who just came from the province and who barely speaks the language tried his best to do so.

One day, the kid needed to go to the bathroom so bad but he didn't know what to tell his teacher. He raised his hand and said, "guro, pwede po bang pumunta nang banyo?" (meaning, teacher may I go to the bathroom?')

Since the boy didn't speak English, the teacher pretended that she didn't hear him. The boy said to himself, "what should I say (in Filipino, of course)". Then suddenly, the boy raised his hand and said, "FATHER, MOTHER, I", and quickly rushed out the door and to the bathroom.

The teacher wondered what the boy meant. 15 minutes later, the boy came back. The teacher asked him where he went. He said that he went to the bathroom and he needed to go really bad. Then she asked what he meant when he said 'FATHER, MOTHER, I'.

The boy then explained, "FATHER in Filipino meant TATA, MOTHER in Filipino meant INA and I in Filipino meant AKO

CALLING A FILIPINO:

Why did the Filipino lady cross da road?

Her neighbor turned on da sprinkler, so she heard "psst-psst-psst".

FILIPINO MOODS:

There were three Filipino friends who were invited to a Mood Party. In order to be allowed access into the party, each person had to make an appearance as a mood or feeling.

The first guy went to the supermarket and bought a pear. The second, bought a dress and the last bought a custard pie.

Confused with each other, they decided to go to the party and let the host clear things up between them.

The host of the party opens the door and asks the first Filipino guy, "What's the pear for?" The Filipino guy sticks out his thumb and plops the pear right over his thumb. Baffled, the host asks what this all means. The Filipino guy answers, "I'm in 'dis pear (despair)!" The host smiles and let's him in.

The second one busts out his dress. When asked to explain, he takes off all of his clothes, throws them to the corner and wears the dress. He then explains, "I'm in 'dis dress (distress)!" The host then smiles again and let's him in as well.

By this point, the host thinks he has everybody down. All of the sudden, the third guy pulls his pants down to his knees and proceeds to give it to the custard pie that he brought. Bewildered beyond belief, the host asks what the heck this guy is doing on his porch making love to a custard pie!

The last Filipino guy replies,"I'm f*cking 'dis custard!"

FILIPINO HOMEWORK:

In English class, the teacher gave the class homework, using the words Chicken, Nut and Bread in a sentence. The next day, the teacher ask if anyone would like to read aloud their sentence. Pablo raised his hand and said "I will". He stood up proudly and read out loud his sentence. "My fader told me, not to put the plastic bag ober your sister’s head, because Chicken canNut Bread".

Another variation:

There were three students: one Japanese, Haole, and Filipino. The teacher asked the students to use the words, "chicken, nut, and bread" in a sentence. The Japanese girl went first.

"Last night for dinner my mother cooked us chicken and yummy banana nut bread".

"That's good", the teacher replied.

Next went the haole boy, "I live on a farm and we raise chickens, and grow nuts to put them into our bread".

After that, the teacher asked the Filipino boy to use the words in a sentence.

The Filipino boy replied, "Ho ya know... my madda said neba put de plastic bag oba my sistah's head cuz chicken nut bread"

FILIPINO FOOTWEAR:

What's the difference between select and choose?

Select is when you pick out something...choose is what Filipinos wear on their feet !!!

FILIPINO's DOG:

What do you call a Filipino walking a dog?

A vegetarian.

FILIPINO SANTA:

There are three Santas on the Roof. Which one is the Filipino one?

The one in the bunny suit.

IMELDA GOES TO HEAVEN:

"Imelda dies and goes to heaven. The heavenly court is gathered to welcome all the newcomers to heaven. God the Father is there seated on his throne in all his splendor. The Second Person of the Trinity is there also, and the Holy Spirit, the Virgin Mary, and all the saints. As Imelda enters, everyone stands up ­ except God the Father, who does not get up from his throne. Jesus, the second Person of the Trinity turns to him, and says, "Heavenly Father, what's the matter? Why don't you stand up to welcome Imelda Marcos? God the Father replies: "I am afraid to lose my seat. If I stand up she will take my throne."

TEACHER:

There was this Filipino kindergarten teacher and she was teaching her class how to do the hokey-pokey. She started off by saying, "You put your right feet in, you put your right feet out, you put your right feet in...." Suddenly one of the children said, "Teacher you have to say 'foot.'" So the teacher said, "You 'foot' your right feet in, you 'foot' your right feet out....."

USE THE WORD:

 A Filipino guy gets stopped by immigration at the airport. Immigration tells him, "Use the words 'chicken not bread' in a sentence. " The Filipino looks around, puts a bag over a woman's head and yells, "Chee kennot bred! Chee kennot bred!" (accent on "she cannot breathe")

TEAM:

There were three basketball teams: the White team, the Black team, and the Filipino team. They all didn't know what to call each other. The white team decided to be the "A" team and the Filipinos were the "B" team. What was the black team? -the "E" team.